My 20 reasons that confirm I am the parent of a toddler

I started writing this when Ethan and I first moved to Beeville to be with Kris (in May).  Ethan wasn't quite yet two.  Rereading some of these, they still pretty much apply almost a year later.  Only a few have changed.

This is my top 20 reasons that confirm I am the parent of a young toddler.  I can't wait until I can write this concerning my top 20 reasons that confirm I am the parent of a under 10 child, a pre-adolescence, a teenager, and an adult.

1. When your toddler does something new, that is an unwanted behavior, you have to turn your head for a second to keep them from seeing you smiling or fighting a laugh before you can discipline them.

2. You give the "I'm serious" face and point at your toddler only to get, in response, an "I'm serious" face and pointed back at by your toddler (refer back to #1).

3. The words you wish your toddler wouldn't learn to say, they learn right away the first time they hear it (for Ethan: pea-COCK, boggie, toot, NO) and the ones you want them to say, they refuse to pronounce correctly (please, I love you, thank you).  (refer back to #1 when dealing with this)

4. Your toddler has the BEST honing skills on finding the most dangerous objects in any room you are in, whether at a friends house, your house, your parents house, public, etc (such as lighters, plugs, scissors, knifes, etc).  You CANNOT hide them well enough.

5. You have learned that it isn't worth your breath to keep your toddler from climbing on everything.  Honestly, I remember as a kid how awesome it was to conquer the counter, table, trees, fences, etc.  HOWEVER, tall, old fashioned metal slides are still a no-no without mommy hoovering (really bad experience on that one).

6. You decide to clean out your purse.  In it you find: crayons, paper, snacks, wet wipes, candy, a back up and completely smushed diaper, a toy truck and car, rocks, ribbons, a mismatched sock, loose candy; if you're lucky, you'll find your missing favorite lipstick (not ruined hopefully), your wallet, some gum (if your toddler hasn't found it first and eaten it all when you weren't looking), receipts, a phone charger, band aids, oh the list keep on going.  No wander we women have back and shoulder issues.

7.  You can recite every word, song, and dance in your toddlers favorite movie.

8. Once they've learned the concept of "hot" and "dangerous", everything you don't want them to do is "hot & dangerous".

9. You try your hardest not to freak out, gasp, or immediately run when they fall down so hopefully they'll just brush it off.

10. On the other hand, when you see them fall, and they immediately stop breathing for a second, you know it was a doozie and you brace yourself to swoop in, pick them up, cuddle, check for serious injury, and try not to cry yourself (this happened with Ethan and the tall, old fashioned metal slide, talk about feeling like dirt!  I didn't even consider if my baby had broken his neck, I just needed him in my arms immediately, thankfully he was okay and was ready to conquer the slide in less than 2 minutes)

11. So what if they eat an entire sleeve of chips, or a package of cookies, or unwashed strawberries.  My toddler was quite, still, and charming.  As a fellow shopper, you can thank me by paying some of my grocery bill.

12. You avoid doing something super fun, such as swinging your child around by their arms or legs or letting them tackle you, or bouncing them on your knees, because you know you'll be doing that same thing until you have reached muscle failure and then you're in for a disappointed kiddo.

13. You wish there was a poopy fairy who would magically appear and change all the poopy diapers (currently, this is the butt wiping fairy)

14. You wander who the babysitter is talking about when they told you your toddler was really well behaved.

15. You often have to fight the urge to tell strangers how much of a handful your toddler is when they tell you he/she is cute/well behaved/sweet/etc.

16. You dread the time out (or any other punishment honestly) just as much as they do because it means you have to stop EVERYTHING you are doing to stand over them and make sure they actually sit in time out.

17. You think that if all that loud music in your youth didn't make you go deaf, than 20 minutes in the car with a screeching banshee will.

18. You swear you JUST bought your toddler new shoes a month ago, two sizes too big for growing room.  And now they need new shoes.  The same can be applied to clothing.

19.  You look at mom's with more than one toddler, and hail her as a saint.

20.  You have asked the Walmart greeter if they accept returns on toddlers.  You don't really mean it, but sometimes the reactions you get are totally worth it!