This pregnancy has been so much more challenging than it was with Ethan. I really wanted to use a midwife to have a natural, out of hospital experience, with women I loved and who cared about me, not just someone I met the day I came in to have my baby. I have had, by far, my fair share of hospitals to last me a life time, and it wasn't that my hospital experiences were so traumatic that they were something of a horror story, they were just... hospital stays, where I was in pain for 3 out of the 4 stays (Ethan's birth was the only one I would consider I wasn't in pain, yes, pain of child birth, but that goes away extremely quick). Where I had a recovery period of several months, and still have some effects of the surgeries I endured. Don't get me wrong, those surgeries were absolutely necessary, but if I can avoid going into the hospital, I would love that.
BUT,
it seems that it won't be happening this time. I have tried so hard this pregnancy to fall within "low risk" so the midwives could treat me. I have had to go to a high risk ob, convince him that I was healthy enough for a out of hospital birth, convince the midwives that I was healthy enough for an out of hospital birth, convince my husband and countless family/friend/people that this really was the best option for us. Then I failed my gestational diabetes test at 28 weeks, and I truly thought it was because of my inability to handle large quantities of sugar resulting from my stomach surgery over 5 years ago; however, we played it safer than sorrier by testing, changing diet, food logging, etc. I went in to see the high risk ob again at 33.5 weeks and he had me test my sugars for another week, and then he determined that I do not, in fact, have gestational diabetes, that I most likely failed the test due to the stomach surgery. Yea, I thought so too, but I wasn't sure. So for almost 7 weeks I was miserable. Yes, the sugar cravings lessened, yes the carb cravings lessened, but they never truly went away. I would go out to eat and longingly look at Kris' order, while I ordered a boring salad. And I found that many places have really terrible salads. Oh and at 28 weeks we discovered that I was anemic. And honestly by barely anything, but enough that legally if I could not get my red blood cells raised by delivery, the midwives could not deliver. Normally, this is something that is pretty easily remedied with normal people. BUT, since my stomach surgery, I have absorption issues. Add on top of the fact that the baby will take whatever they need regardless of how low you are in it. So it has taken us 7 weeks just to eek up my iron levels to passable, but we did it!! I was so very proud of myself. There has been so much I have had to faithfully change, diet, exercise, supplementation.
IN THE END,
it was something I could not change that ended up risking me out. My blood pressure. It's not a "mediation", "take it easy and breathe", "relax", "don't over do it", "exercise more, eat better" sort of problem. It really isn't. My bp rose at the very end with Ethan, and I had to be induced at 38w. It's hard to tell if it was truly because the doctor liked to schedule everything so it was convenient to him, or if it really was a true medical issue. But, regardless, my blood pressure rose up too high for the midwives to LEGALLY continue to care for me. Legally again. Gah. Legally I barely skimmed by with the GD test being wrong (b/c if you don't/can't control it with diet and exercise, then you are risked out), legally I barely eeked by with raising my red blood cells and getting some of my numbers back into order. But legally, I did not fall under the blood pressure cut off. Sniff. Sniff. And I honestly think, looking at it in perspective now with my pregnancy with Ethan, that the extra weight of the baby, uterus, waters, placenta, blood volume, etc, that the tumor NEAR my bladder is being pressed upon and it is causing my bp to raise. We can only PRAY that in a few years, when my poor body is ready for another surgery, that by removing that LAST tumor that we will be home free for at least a decade (my child producing years) and we can continue to grow our family like we both desire.
BUT,
God is in charge. He's already proven that one. That no matter what I do on this humanly earth, his plan is ultimate. It will be carried out.
AND,
I have accepted that. It's taken me almost all week, but I have accepted it. Because what if God needs me in the hospital in case of a complication that MOST other women would never have? And what if I wasn't in the hospital and I had to be transported? And what if I was that ONE case that didn't make it to the hospital because so many things were stacked against me? And I could what if all day long, but God has already made it so that I will be delivering this little girl in a hospital.
HOWEVER,
God is still magnificent in his planning. He knows my desires to not have a hospital birth. He knows my desires for not being induced. And he has me going to a doctor who does not want to induce me, because of all the other medical interventions that are involved in induction. Did you just read that right? Yes, you did, my doctor does not want to induce me at this time. Yes, my blood pressure is high, but it isn't dangerous, he doesn't feel I have pre-eclampsia, of all the years of practice, I show no other signs of it, he thinks it is the tumor as well (and to rule out pre-eclampsia, he has me doing a 24hr urine collection and blood work). Yes I have a higher than normal amount of amniotic fluid. And yes, we prob will have a pretty decent sized baby (if I had to guess, I would say over 8.5 lbs). And because of eating healthy for many many weeks, I actually lost weight on my legs and butt, so my belly looks absolutely ENORMOUS. Like, beached whale enormous.
SO,
Now we are sitting and waiting, hoping my labor starts soon, because... stretch marks have started and a bigger belly means more stretch marks. And I am ready to be done with these health issues. And I am ready to meet my little girl, and get our life a rocken and a rollen. And get Ethan used to her. Sigh. So pray for me dear friends, for this to be over quickly, and for it to happen so smoothly that there is no doubt God's hand is in it all. Because an hour drive to corpus in labor is a long, long drive, and I am praying it happens at night, so Kris can actually come with me, instead of trying to arrange someone to take me and Kris to meet me there...
That is all. Rant over. :)
